war is hell

Hmm, torn between two equally shitty titles, what am I to do? I know, use them both! If Shakespeare can do it, so can I!

The teeny-tiny mask thing and oversized babygro-with-wellies ensemble sported by Peter dates this to the first Gulf War. Sky News was always on about chemical weapons, and as I was only thirteen I believed everything they told me. So war in the 21st century is going to be a nightmare, as opposed to, say, the fourth century, when it was obviously fun. And it is still going to be a male-run affair, in spite of the fact that Leni is some inches taller than Peter and looks considerably harder.

OMG is that a CND symbol she is wearing? That is adorable. My vision of this millennium involves the CND, side ponytails, shoulderpads and handwritten ‘correspondance’.

(Well, I was right about the shoulderpads.)

As Florence and James are Leni’s great-grandparents, presumably he must survive to procreate in spite of the horrors of war / his weird moustache? Way to kill the suspense there. If Leni’s great-grandad had been killed in WWII she would know this already. So maybe it is Leni’s blossoming love with her ‘distant cousin’ that gets snuffed out by trad trg tragedy? I’m not sure I really cared, even then.

over the moon AND deliriously happy

Basically, I stole this from Neighbours. This is the Paul Robinson/Christina Alessi storyline with the roles reversed and the twin taken out. Perhaps I felt my oeuvre was getting slightly twin-heavy. It also sounds very Anne of The Island, though to be fair to me I’m not sure whether I’d read that yet. Doesn’t ‘end[ing] up in a romantic attachment’ sound about the least most romantic thing ever? No wonder Anne-Marie and Andrew are putting it off as long as possible.

So the moronic nature of this plot is not entirely my fault, though I am to blame for thinking it worthy of blurbification. Like if Anne-Marie just got tired of her flatmate’s failure to put out and decided to make him jealous, that might have been mildly interesting (only mildly, mind); but no, she has to be unexpectedly swept off her feet by Mr Perfect. I’m thinking if she’s deliriously happy to be marrying Duncan she was never really that into Andrew; he was just her back-up option in case nobody better came along. Andrew sounds pretty passive-aggressive, with his feelings of being ‘strangely cheated’ and his silences when she’s wittering on about her wedding. He needs to move on. You snooze, you lose. But no, he has to try it on with her the night before her wedding. Classy guy. Wouldn’t the time for a drunken snog have been, oh, approximately three days after you moved in together? just to get it out of the way?

OK, hands up who thinks Anne-Marie is going to choose the flash newbie over the ‘good friend’? This fails as a cliffhanger for anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of romcoms and/or soap operas. She should not be marrying anyone in that dress. Eew, the inexplicable green streaks in the skirt and the ugly sleeves, it burns.

Actually, nobody who thinks side ponytails are a valid hairstyle option for their wedding day should be getting married, as their judgment is clearly shot to hell. This is especially true if they happen to have no ears.

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