celtic pollyanna and the evil twin

songs of caged eagles

This one is laid out like a small child’s newsbook — pic on the top, words below — so I’m going to transcribe the text and give you a running commentary. Woo!

When Alistair returned to his beloved Highlands to take over his father’s croft, he brought a surprise — a new wife. Welsh-born Meredith was confined to a wheelchair, but accepted it cheerfully and soon won the local’s hearts. It was easy to see how Alistair had fallen in love with his ‘Merry’.

Jesus, it’s a Celtic Pollyanna. Nicknamed Merry. Do you see what I did there?

But Meredith was often lonely at their isolated farm. Although the doctors advised against it, she and Alistair started trying for a family.

I do not feel loneliness is a good reason for having a baby against medical advice, assuming of course that said medical advice is more substantial than ‘you can’t breed ’cause you’re disabled.’

As soon as she became pregnant, her twin sister Madolyn turned up — causing havoc.

YAY EVIL TWIN!

With her wavy black hair and strikingly green eyes, Madolyn was almost dangerously beautiful.

Not evident from the wonky-mouthed, scant-chinned portrait of her, but never mind.

She led the local boys a merry dance, letting them fall in love with her then ignoring them.

That’s the worst it gets? I suppose that’s why she’s only ‘almost’ dangerously beautiful.

And all the time Meredith was reminded by her sister’s presence of the freedom she had lost. What made it worse was that it was Madolyn’s carelessness that crippled her in the first place…

But of course.

When Madolyn turned her cat’s eyes to Alistair, Meredith couldn’t cope. She worried about leaving them in the house together when she went into hospital to have her baby.

I have a plan! Your evil twin has already been staying with you for months… why not just kick her out? She put you in a wheelchair. She is lucky you are angelic enough not to mind too much and are still speaking to her.

Then the baby was born with a slight mental handicap —

I have approximately four million problems with this plot development, chief among which is that it is a newborn baby, so how can they tell? It may be natural to assume that any child born into this family is going to be pathologically stupid, but you cannot make this diagnosis before it has even failed to hit any developmental milestones. Also that the doctors were right and any kid born to a woman in a wheelchair is inevitably going to be defective. Ugh.

— and a guilty Madolyn confessed tearfully to seducing Alistair.

Evil Twin FTW.

Meanwhile, Scotland wanted independaence from the United Kingdom — and the spirit of change wafted through the lonely hills.

What has this got to do with anything? Oh, maybe it’s a Theme. Like Meredith is representative of Scotland, or possibly Wales, getting repeatedly fucked over by Evil Twin/England. Or perhaps she wants a divorce from Alistair and Evil Twin the same way Scotland wants one from the UK? I don’t really see how the handicapped baby fits into this schema. Maybe it is the Isle of Man or something.

And the bewildered, tragical Meredith wandered with her baby, and wondered what to do…

I am having a really hard time picturing wandering around in a wheelchair if you have a baby in tow and live on a lonely hill. It seems like it would be a fairly major operation. Has she even bothered to ask Alistair what went on? Evil Twin could easily be lying. Lying is what Evil Twins do, when they are not busy maiming or ignoring people.

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